-Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm-

~Winston Churchill~

They always say life is full of ups and downs, like an irregular sinusoidal function. Sometimes, I really do wonder about the truth of that statement. Nevertheless, reality is harsh, so we just have to suck it up and repeating the cycle of falling and rising. Ever since that day 3 years back, thanks to Churchill's quote, I convinced myself that once I'm in, I'll never run away. It really brings back memories, that day..when I first decided to pursue engineering. Since then, there's been few ups and many downs. Nevertheless, the only way through was to suck it up and convince ourselves that those few ups are worth the fall. 

When I look back at all those less successful moments, I just can't help but wonder...how did I do that? Like seriously? Just reminiscing those moments feels like a pie being thrown to your face.

  A facepalm in disguise

 You just stone there; your brain unable to process anything before resuming the reaction you would naturally give like "what the **** just happened?"

Recently, I once again experienced it; that huge facepalm in disguise. A midterm. Economics. 'Wow...that's it?' You might be asking. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how failure comes to you. A whooping 18%. Wow...it's been a while since I got that...wait a sec, 18%? *Five minutes into stoning at the laptop screen*  What was that? It's those moments where your brain goes blank, everything goes pitch black, silent. You can't see, hear, nor think of anything. An empty dimension. Once I regained my senses, it didn't took long before my brain lost interest in what I was doing; studying. Not a very pleasant thing to experience on a Saturday morning when you have two university-level midterms coming at you the coming Monday and Tuesday. 

So, I stopped studying for an hour, two hours, 3 hours. I just wanted to clear my head for a bit and asked myself that one question I asked myself once before, "Why did I chose engineering?" No answer. While tuning my brain to different frequencies to listen to different channels of my mind, the background abruptly turned all white. Somewhere in the background stood a table, and a chair with a plumpish figure sitting on it. I approached the table and saw Mr. Churchill, enjoying his scrumptious-looking cream pie. Suddenly, a chair stood next to me, facing opposite him. I decided to have a seat and stare at him digging into his feast like a lion that hasn't ate meat for a decade. With specks of cream all over his face, he looked up to me and said three words; Suck It Up.

Just hearing those three words was more than what I was looking. Human beings go through obstacles all the time. The harsher the fall, the better we learn. I got up from bed, and looked at my laptop, at the 100 pages of process engineering texts I'll be reading. Haha, after what I've been through...that's it? Bring it. 

               "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end."

Journey. A year back, I guess I never really understood the meaning of that word. To journey towards a goal, a destination..I've always wondered how it really feels like. The me a year ago...he was probably at the center of a crossroad. Four clear paths to follow, only one to walk on. What criterias should I have to make my decision? What do I really want? Before all that, who am I?

Well, to discover why a plant wilts, we check its leaves. Then, we check the stems, followed by the roots, the soil and so on. The reasoning goes on and probably never will come to an end. I guess it's the same with every individual's life. Behind every character or any change in their personality lies an event that triggered that change or character to evolve. Since I too am an individual, I guess this statement would apply to me too. 

     On August 5th, 2010, for the first time, I left my beloved home country of which I have been         

living in ever since I was born. Off I was to what is now the most educated country in the world,

or at least that's what the modern society presumes; the land of the maple leaves. 

As I walked along the gates towards the Boeing 747 which would soon fly me to the land of 
Oktoberfest, there was only one thing on my mind. Regret. I regretted not completing my 

final school year in Malaysia. I regretted losing those remaining moments with friends I
have been with for the past five years. I regretted not taking a public examination 
which I have been studying hard for for the past five years. Yep, many things I'd regretted.
Despite the food being pretty good and all throughout the flight (assumed to be so by my big bro), it 
tasted bitter for me, just like the bitter memories I mostly carried when I left Malaysia.

After quite a number of glasses of apple juice (I wonder if 20+ glasses is a lot), I began to relax 
and fell into deep thought about the present and future. It was tough to let go of the past, yet
it was necessary, or else..another step forward would've been improbable. A deep breath. 
A long sigh. The worries were almost all gone. Resurrected. Fresh. Those were probably
the best words to describe that moment. 

As I touched down on the neighbouring land of 'The Land Of Opportunities', I felt a new 
hope within me. I felt that I'm starting life all over again, in a world full of new strangers.
At first, it was quite intimidating but the rush of adrenaline really motivated me to give it all I 
got and hope for the best. Despite not having an ambition at that moment, it didn't mean
that I'd have to stop moving forward. So, I decided that I'll keep pushing myself to the limit
for that one year, hoping that soon, I'll realize what I'd like to do or be in the near future.
That was the beginning of my journey, or at least, that I know of.

That one final year in a Canadian high school went by quickly. I've made quite a number
of friends. It wasn't tough to blend in as everyone was friendly and pretty open. Teachers
were sociable and supportive as well, especially two teachers that gave me some support
to always do my best; Ms de Lannoy and Ms Boutilier. Both were my English teachers
for ESLE and ENG4U respectively. Ms. de Lannoy usually gave constructive criticism
and kinda motivated me to think outside the box. Ms. Boutilier further expanded that
idea by introducing interesting principles and beliefs of which I've never heard before in 
the past. I felt that I learned quite a lot during that brief period of time. I probably
wished from the bottom of my heart that I could stay for another year and learn more. But
duty calls. I've gotta graduate and support the family as quick as I can. Au Revoir, Central
Tech. It may have been a short while, but I'll never forget you, nor the people within you
of whom I've learned so much from; not just as a student, but as an individual, and a member 
of today and tomorrow's society. Arigatou Gozaimasu, CTS =)

February 5th, 2012- Wow, time sure flies. It's almost been two years. I'm now studying my first year in Chem Eng at the University of Toronto. Getting into the undergraduate program itself was a blessing and a true honour. My ambition? Well, the program says it all. I hope to learn more about the world of chemistry or perhaps science itself and if permitted, explore the forgotten realms of the ancient art of science; alchemy (yep, blog name's already giving the big hint). For once, I truly believe that one can accomplish anything provided the right amount of effort and passion is given. The path ahead. It may yet to be carved, giving its roughness and toughness. Nevertheless, what's more exciting than walking down a path that will truly be yours, your original? Anyways, that's what I feel at least. No matter what stones, boulders, or thick clouds of mists may appear before me, I hope...nah, I will try my best to overcome them all and and truly take this path as my very own. Destination? Check. Initial starting point? Check. Paths to take? We'll see how it turns out. The future is never certain. As a friend of mine mentioned, "Improbable? Yes. Impossible? Not at all." Nothing is deemed impossible although the probability of its occurrence or success may vary. However, we'll never know till we try. After all, only we can carve our own dreams, and mold them to their desired shape with our very own hands. 

I've started my journey. Taking a step forward by posting this. Leaving footsteps along this path. "Experience is not weighed by how many footsteps one makes; rather, it is determined by the depth of those footsteps." 

It's about time. 

Will you carve your path?

Will you leave your footsteps behind as well?

The choice is yours.

Peace out, peeps. Have a great day ahead.

P.S.-Tomorrow's the last day of the Chinese New Year season. Yep, that means its the Chinese Valentine's Day. Happy Chinese Valentine's Day to everyone regardless of their relationship status. Have a blast with your loved ones and soon-to-be's too. =D

Diaries?
Blogs?
Journals?
What are those?

   I used to wonder what they were and what they were for in the first place. I liked writing ever since I was young but somehow, the thought of writing a diary never occured to me. Then, one day, I had this one friend  who had a journal about his daily life activities. On the surface, it was just a black-covered book with a strap that locked the book. The pages started to flip. It was then when I partially, if not fully, realized the wonders of having a diary or a journal. My friend used to describe it to me as a 'friend that never talks back and always listens to you'. Wow, that would be pretty neat. And all I had to do is to get a pen and start writing on it. Indeed, it was quite tempting. However, till the end of high school, I never did completely write one. Only once did I try writing one when I got really frustrated with something and that only lasted about 5 pages. Yep, I was hungry for imagination. I remembered attempting to do art and public speaking to somehow bring out that inner creativity within me. This was no longer a futile attempt to write a journal. It was a journey; one aimed at finding the spark that would ignite my soul. Who knew that writing a journal would eventually lead to me seeking my own identity? Well, one thing was for certain though, this was going to be a turning point in my future. And I've got no choice but to face it sooner, if not later.

   7th August 2010. Goodbye, Malaysia and I was off to Canada. Not the day I discovered my inner passion, but definitely a turning point in my life. It was anticipated, but I wasn't prepared for it. Regrets. That was pretty much what I felt at that moment. There was no turning back though. The clock was ticking. I went into a  high school in Toronto for a year. Despite being exposed to a new environment, I didn't have the leisure to embrace these exciting cultures that were knocking at my door. Or rather, I didn't try to. My mind was completely focused on one thing, studies. All I could think of was achieving some scholarship to get into some university without my parents paying for it. Yep, looks like my journey paused for now. However, the only course that reminded me of that journey was Grade 12 English. I had an interesting teacher who talks in depth about existentialism. All the assignments were related to that concept. It was new to me, but I found it fascinating. Not as something to adopt, but just something to learn about. It was then when I began to realize, bit by bit, my inner zen. I enjoyed learning about different perspectives to life. Yea, math seemed fun but this was more intriguing. There were no right or wrong answers; just ones with evidence or support and ones with neither. A step forward I have taken.

   8th September 2011; the beginning of life at the University of Toronto. Another perfect place to embrace the diverse cultures of people from all around the world. This just might prove to be the place where my journey shall end. Time keeps ticking, assignments never stop coming. Once again, I was caught up in the same situation once again; only this time, my journey wasn't resumed by my English classes, friends did. I began to make friends and slowly learned more of their perspectives about life or anything at all. Then, it struck me once again. This intense feeling. Is this my inner zen? I now knew that my passion was somehow related to the knowledge of life from multiple perspectives.

   Now, I see a path along my journey. However, I lack the driving force to push me forward. Yep, friends once again. One day, I was at the campus library with this friend of mine from Sri Lanka. Out of randomness, he takes out a notebook. He started talking about it and encouraged me to write one. Familiar indeed, just like those words from back then. My journey hadn't resumed though. I recalled it, but attempted nothing. December 15th 2011;  the killer blow. Another friend of mine from Malaysia appeared. I can't seem to remember what we were chatting about besides this somewhat facebook poking tradition we had. Once again, out of randomness, she mentioned about her blog. A blog? Hm...an online diary huh? That sounds pretty tempting. So, she showed me her blog. It was just breathtaking. Her blog had quite a number of inspiring poems about life. Yep, I thought to myself, this is awesome!

   I eventually found a way to create this blog. Okay , I've reached a resting point at my journey. However, its not my destination yet. Or rather, I have no clue what my destination is like. Well, whatever the case is, with this almost empty blog of mine, I'm going to take another step forward by publishing this post and introducing myself to the world of online blogging. I may not be an exceptional blogger or writer, but if anyone reading this could provide feedback or comment about my blog, I would really appreciate it. With your help, I believe I'll be a step closer towards my destination. Yea, maybe I won't be able to reach my destination before this life of mine expires, but as the saying goes, " It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end".

P.S.- Thanks a lot to my two friends from Sri Lanka and Malaysia for helping me ignite the passion of my soul. You know who you are. I owe you both one ;)